Sunday, October 11, 2015

Who are you?

As those who have read my book, Confessions of a Grad School Dropout, know, much of it came from a personal place of suffering - when I realized that my external abilities were much greater than my inner desires. When I wanted something based on my ego and due to being an overachiever, and not due to actual passion, I began to suffer.

Once, I had far more than my heart actually wanted. Another kind of suffering comes from an ego wanting more than one actually has. Without knowing one's true goals and desires, suffering has no end, as one constantly changes their perceived goals at an expense of their true ones. An intrapersonal knowing, or fully knowing one's self, is the one way to avoid this. We must dig deep, and be completely honest with our whole selves - our hates, weaknesses, traumas in order to work on them and become the best version of ourselves. And with this, comes the best version of our professional selves.

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Sometimes, we just get through it

Lately, I have been educating myself in Buddhist practices and perspectives. I have always held beliefs that conflicted with my Catholic upbringing and aligned more with ideas of reincarnation, karma, and inner learning.

Part of my interest is desperation, a need to find something, anything to give me insight into my own suffering. As hopefully only few of you understand, the worst suffering comes from the inside, from the self. It's the way we think, feel, and the things we do to ourselves that hurt the most.

The key is to find that lifeline that gives you a reason to keep going. For the overachievers among us, when we are not moving forward and up, we feel worthless. But to be a constant mover, we have to stop and fall sometimes to regather who we are, what we want, and where we are and want to go. Sometimes, we can just get through it. Not glamorously, or with accomplishment, but we just get through it. It is a time to learn and think, with the faith that we can move forward again in the future.

Sunday, July 12, 2015

Steer Clear of Bullies

Oftentimes, the people in our lives make it what it is. Hopefully, we all have people that make us laugh and smile on our bad days, and comfort us at 2 am and we are frightened, whether they be friends, family, or teachers. Just as important is who we don't spend out time with.

There is a quote, "you become like the 5 people you spend the most time with - choose carefully" that we must keep in mind through our journey. Recently, I came upon some people who tore at me harshly - people I had never done anything to, people I had only had positive interactions with. They waited until I no longer was in the position to interact or do anything for them, and then they tore at my reputation. And somebody turned around and told me that when somebody knows you are superior, they have to try to tear you down to their level. Adults, or children, bullies are everywhere.

It is easy to choose who you let close to your heart. But it is not as easy to choose our interactions. There are people everywhere who are unhappy and must take it out on others. People at work, people at the grocery store, and people who we consider family. Part of being better and making ourselves happy is being selfish enough to consider how we feel about people and situations before our desire to be accepted or understood.

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Your mind is your reality

Given my history and writing interests, I am clearly passionate about the truth. The more we close our eyes to harsh realities, the less likely these realities will be changed. But it is also important to keep the bad realities external to ourselves and to only take in the good - the improvements we and our world make every day.

In other words, we must hold whatever it is that keeps us strong and moving forward on the inside. Yes, we need to put time and effort into making our careers and families and lives into what we desire them to be, but we must hold our strength on the inside. Most of our lives is made of choice. But once in a while, bad things happen that we have no choice in. And when they do, careers and families and lives sometimes cannot keep us going. Only we can.

Even though I have gone through what I know will always be my worst time, the reality is that there are always more to come. More almost-the-worst times. As I make my life into what I want it to be, I also make myself into who I want to be.

Saturday, April 25, 2015

Happiness is a path, not a destination

The crossroads which has been discussed extensively in the book, Confessions of a Grad School Dropout, and on the pages of this blog, to making a decision about either holding on to something right or giving up something wrong is not a once-in-a-lifetime choice. Throughout our lives, there are going to be many times in which we force ourselves to stop and "smell the flowers." In other words, appreciate the good in our lives as well as deciphering what needs change - as there is always going to be a change that can be made. 

Despite graduate school decisions possibly being the hardest ones you will have to make, as they were for me, this is often only the first step to living a happier and more fulfilled life. I made my own decision almost three years ago, and yet, it recently hit me hard that I wasn't living well in other ways. I had childhood desires and fears that were left unresolved, I was not conscious of my nutritional decisions, I was allowing toxic people to take over my mind and heart, and I have rarely been making time for the things I am meant to do, such as writing and learning.

Hardworkers such as myself must often take a step back and assess if they are living a balanced life. Being a Libra, I especially react physically, emotionally, and spiritually when I am unaligned with what I truly need and who I truly am. Yes, I have been helping others greatly, but I can help so much more if I take care of myself. I will be a healthier, stronger, and more reliable person when I constantly assess my own issues and health.

For me, I meditate, write, spend time near the water, and watch movies that soothe my soul's need on that day. If I hadn't learned to meditate one month before my 2012 breakdown, and met some key people associated with that spirituality, I am unsure whether I would have gotten through.

We all have a purpose, some to love, some to create, some to protect, and some to heal. Some of us have a purpose that requires us to be extremely inline with who we are - no faking it for a minute. Take care and become that person you need to be to fulfill your heart's deepest desires. And do it today.

Wednesday, January 14, 2015