Sunday, September 8, 2013

A New Leaf

Back home, in a new home, and better yet, in a new school. A new program. Before turning over that new leaf that some of us plan hard for and some of us turn in a day, realize something. It will be hard, probably harder than anything else has been in your life. Recognize this first, while you also recognize that it will be worth it.

The second hardest thing in my life, after dropping out of my PhD program last year, has been moving back home. But in completely different ways. I moved a job, a school, across state lines, into a new home (that I purchased!), moved my husband's career. Into a new climate, back to different kinds of people, a different set of bills. Financially and physically, it has been difficult to make all the changes I needed to make in a short period of time. But it already feels worth it. The physical and the financial could try to fool me, but my emotions prove that to me every day.

I look back at the misery of last year like a tired memory. I made the best friends I could possibly have imagined in my old program, and I miss the comfort of having them there each day. I miss them dearly. But I know that they were there, because I needed the best in my worst time. They were the ideal friends for the darkest season of my life. And that will never be coincidence for me.

My program now feels easy again. Not because it is not tons of work each day (which it is), but because I fit into it. Its goals, ideals, teachings, and way of life. That's what social work is, really. A way of life. It never felt like that with psychology for me. I am not fighting my way to be the perfect puzzle piece each day as I was before. I just slip in.