Thursday, April 25, 2013

Looking Back

I read an autobiography of my life that I had written back in 2008 during my first semester in college. Isn't it crazy to realize how much different our concerns were five years ago? Little did I know then where I would be sitting now. Then again, even a year ago, it would have shocked me.

Something I wrote in this autobiography really struck me. Regret is something I haven't truly known before my entrance into graduate school. Today, I do not sense regret, but not having it has been nearly impossible, and six months ago, I surely failed at not feeling it. I cannot regret things in my life, because they not only have made me who I am today, but the bad times always make us appreciate the good. Always.

I had written: "
regret is simply a mark of substantiality in life." Gosh, isn't that true? If we have a life in which we never struggle with regret, a life in which we make mistakes, it probably isn't a life worth living. And once we understand this, we will truly have no regrets.

With my past aim to be a psychologist, I always wanted to help people - mentally and emotionally rather than physically. I realize that sometimes our plans for ourselves are not nearly as spectacular or perfect as those our destiny hold for us...yes, I wanted to help by being a psychologist. But what I really wanted was to help. And I will do just that.

I want this blog to provide support to past, present, and future drop outs. We truly are people who are shunned, even if with subtlety, and misunderstood. The best way to get true understanding is to talk to others who are going through what you are. This is what I did when I was at my lowest point...I surfed the web, and I responded on blogs to other people going through, or those who HAD gone through, what I was struggling with. And it helped and comforted me. The only thing that helped more than talking to others was asking myself some crucial questions:

What do you want more than anything?
Where do you want to be in ten years?
When was a time you were doing something that made you extremely happy and fulfilled?

Answer these questions honestly, and  take it from there. Be HONEST. If you have been miserable for a long time, you probably have also been lying to yourself. But you will know if you are not being honest with yourself, deep down.

I encourage all students to contact me - anyone needing guidance. I am here, as you were for me.


  1. Dont stop writing :)
    Its not just post grads...but people on the undergraduate level as well :)

  2. I suppose it could be, huh? I have always been such a school freak that school itself never bothered me until I went to grad school. "School" becomes so much more at that point. I am writing another blog today, thanks for inspiring me this week :)

  3. I started grad school this past Monday in a new state while still two hours from my parents I am very far away from my significant other. I am miserable, I know grad school will be good for my career but I am lonely. My teachers are kind but I feel burned out. I graduated from my undergrad a semester early and jumped right into grad school. I feel like if I leave I am throwing everything away...I have to decide by tomorrow to be able to get my money back. As an outside party of my situation do you think I will regret leaving school? even though I am miserable every second I am here?

  4. Hi Brittney!

    I'm in a masters program at NYU. Im just over 2/3rds of the way done. Literally everyday I think about dropping out. As for your questions, I don't know what I want to do or where I want to be in ten years. All i know is that literally every single day I question whether or not the choice to go to grad school was the right choice for me. Sometimes I feel like I started because I didn't know what else I wanted to do, rather than wanting to go to this program specifically. I am reading through your blog and considering exit options if I decide not to finish. Your guidance is most appreciated

  5. I have been encouraged by reading your posts. I am not "there" yet--and by "there" I mean certain that I want to drop out of my masters program, but I am having a difficult time and think about dropping out on a regular basis. It took me a long time in undergrad to figure out what I thought I wanted to do with my life. Everything seemed to be working out and I thought I'd finally figured out where I "fit". Then I applied to the grad program at my undergrad institution (which is small, so all the profs I knew well because I had them in class in undergrad) and was denied admission. Ouch. I never saw that coming. So I took another semester of undergrad, switching to a different concentration to broaden my degree. A series of events happened that led me to reapply to the same grad program under a different track. I interviewed with the same profs and got in! At the time I was excited. It would've been really hard to leave the place where I had developed so many relationships and had begun to put down "roots." However, now that grad school has actually started, I am miserable. The cohort that is doing the track I'm on is very small. I have classes with people that are doing the other track and most of my friends are doing that track. They start their clinical stuff this week. And I watch in misery as all my friends are doing what I wanted to be doing. I try to be positive and see a purpose, but it is really painful to watch my friends doing what I thought for four years that I'd be doing. I hate to drop out. I hate to think about starting over in a different place. I don't want to just "go home." I'm at a loss for what to do. I'm so discontent.